How to "take space" in a healthy way

When we're triggered, it's good to take space from the people or the situation which are triggering us.

In the past, I was "taking space" in a way that was actually unhealthy, and avoidant.

So, I'd love to share with you how to make this amazing practice a good experience. 

No one likes conflict. How we respond to a trigger depends on who we are and where we are at the moment. Taking space is a practice which can serve all of us, when approached well.

If you're like me, with a good deal of Pitta, you may want to resolve things to be able to find ease, and stop it from running background chatter in your mind. In other words, we're the people that may need a bit of space, but prefer resolution to indefinite space. We benefit from the cool down before responding, and generally feel better about our responses when we've thought them through.

For those with more overwhelm and frequent triggering (Vata pattern), or tendencies to withdraw and isolate (Kapha pattern), not dealing with the conflict can become a default that causes unhealthy relationship dynamics for everyone involved. 

Luckily, there's a way to "take space" which keeps the energetics clean and clear. So, no matter which doshas you have driving the response, you can take the space you need in a way that is healthy for everyone. 

No personal conflict is worth taking on chronic stress, and degenerative disease. Let's use our tools to stay well, 

Dr. Siva 

1. Communicate.

Let people know that you are taking space to regroup, reflect and find the best response. This can be a one line text or email - which allows you to feel more safe saying you are taking space. 

Benefits

You've done your part to express what is happening. Good, because just "disappearing" from communication is passive aggressive. It's okay to not be ready, but to ´ghost´ is immature. You can find a way to nicely announce your space. While others can be sour that you're taking space, their response is their choice, and at least they are informed on what your status is.

2. Use the "space" for its intended purpose.

Remember, space from a trigger is there to regroup, reflect and find the best response.

Disengaging, and doing nothing to heal or resolve will just accumulate more unresolved situations in your life.

It's okay to take some time to not think about it, but don't ´sweep it under the rug.´ That's avoidant behavior which results in emotional baggage for you and resentment for the others. This will affect your mood, nervous system, self esteem, sleep and digestion in not good ways. 

Benefits

Take the time to bring in tools and supports to calm down and get clear. You created space, time, and emotional safety to consider the situation - that's amazing. This increases your ability to trust your choices, your self esteem, and sense of safety in the world. It also supports the nervous, digestive and reproductive tissues. 

3. Circle back to resolve. 

Resolution is a personal thing. Sometimes it's a process we can only achieve internally, and other times we can achieve it with others. No matter what the situation, it's possible to find a healthy perspective and alignment inside of yourself to gift yourself resolution. 

Coming back to address a trigger is akin to asking nicely for your needs to be met. Of course, we also have to be able to understand the needs of others and willing to meet them. The best possible approach is to meet as many of the emotional needs of all parties.

If the other does not have the capacity to resolve with you, and that is obvious from your previous experience with them, then I encourage you to move on. If you feel you cannot move on without communicating about the situation with the other, then approach the resolution with empathy, and low expectations.

Benefits

Irrespective of the situation, it feels good inside of us to know we showed up to find peace, to grow, to meet our own emotional needs, and those of others to our best capacity.

That act of "showing up," even if it is just with our therapist, benefits our self confidence and our ability to trust ourselves in challenging situations. Over time, this results in less worry and avoidance. 

When we don't take these 3 steps in our taking of space, we're missing out on the benefits and beauty of the practice, which is self growth with less stress. Not only that, but we create the benefits listed above within ourselves.